Gobble Gobble, Shake It Shake It.

Thanksgiving 2009

Sisters.

From The Front To The Back Let's Go.

Future Divas Of America.

Lily and Bella

Party In The USA.

A Beautiful Mess.

Mrs. Rogers Neighborhood
by
F.Domingo

Seat's Taken.

Martha Trotter and the Sorcerer's Stones
by
F.Domingo

This Is It.

It's not that I have to quit thinking about studying and just study. That's a gimme. But it is true I must change my mindset. What I have been stressing about studying is my need to study in order to learn all the information that can guarantee me a good grade on the test. I have been so caught up in not failing and really thinking of what I can do to make an "A" this time. And I just need to quit that because ultimately, all that it is doing is making me stress more. What I must focus on is learning the information for the benefit of my future patients, not just for my own benefit. That, like a lot of things I say, may sound super gay. But it's true. My studying should focus on learning to actually learn rather than just learning it for the test. Hopefully then I will be able to retain it for longer and then be able to apply whatever it is I have learned in specific situation, like on the test, or the boards, or most importantly, with an actual patient. I need to quit worrying about the grade and just learn the information so that I really know and understand it, and thus really be able to use it clinically. After all, that is why I am learning it in the first place. To know it and to use it. I feel like for most of my academic career I have tended to learn something for the test then forget it as soon as the test was over. I can't do that now because everything I am learning I will likely need to know, or at least be familiar with, as a physician (vs. in college when everything was just bullshit that I will never see again). My purpose has switched. So the plan is to learn what I can and learn it so that I really know it rather than learn it just to get a good grade. If I know it, then a good grade is inevitable. I guess I should know that by now.

Nike.

OMG I need to get on my game. It is the last block of the year. I need to keep up. I need to stay on task, stay motivated, stay on it. What am I doing? I just waste time. I can't concentrate. What needs to be done for me to focus? I need to stop thinking and just relax. I have even said it myself. But I can't. Yes I can. I feel like it's as if I need the stress, I need the pressure, I need to be pushed in order to do. Wrong mindset. I need to just do it, quit bitching, quit wasting time, and just do it.

Back In Black.

Unzipped
by
F.Domingo

Frankie Says Relax.

I think I figured it out. I just need to relax. For some reason this semester, every time I read or study I cannot focus on what I am reading and my mind wanders off in a million and three directions, then I lose my place, get frustrated, and just want to quit. That is stupid. I have been endlessly contemplating what it is that has been making me so under par. I have even suggested ADD to my mom who thinks that is stupid because it would have already affected me. Seeing that I have excelled in every aspect of school, forever, until this semester, it seems very unlikely that I could develop some sporadic case of ADD. And even if I really did have ADD, I would have already subconsciously mastered a way to overcome it by now. Then today I wanted to convince myself I had a brain tumor that was making me lose my short-term memory thus preventing me from developing my long-term memory. All stupid things that I felt I needed as an excuse for my poor performance thus far. I have never been one for excuses, as I believe they are merely cop-outs for lazies, and I refuse to use one now. I am Nico Domingo, must I continue to remind myself?

As I was studying today I was trying to remember my mindset last year as I would study so that I could figure out what I am doing differently this year. I am pretty sure I figured it out. Last year I would just read it and enjoy it, well not necessarily enjoy but just go with it and let myself soak it up. This year I have been so wrapped up in having to study, having so much that I need to study, finding time to study, deciding what to study, deciding when to study it, and all this other bull shit while I am studying, rather then just letting it all go and just study. I can't believe I didn't think of this earlier. I have wasted so much time thinking about studying rather than just actually studying. And all this thinking about studying occurs while I am attempting to study, then making my studying a poor use of time and mind effort. I wasted so much time thinking about what I still had left to study or still needed to go through rather then focusing on what I was studying right at that moment. Fine I have a ton to study, but that ton will soon become two tons if I don't freakin' get on the ball and finish studying whatever it is I am studying. If I had just spent the time thinking about what it was I was actually studying rather than thinking about needing to study probably would have made my studying more effective, and thus I could have possibly done better on the Block exams. To reiterate, this is not an excuse. It can be considered more as a revelation. Nevertheless, my sudden change in mindset this year has got to be it. I have got to change that shit back and really make an effort to quit worrying about having to learn such a vast amount of information and just freakin' learn it. Easy as that. Because I am really smart. Like Nico, come on. I am more than just an average student and I am not going to let two bad Blocks dictate my mindset for the rest of my academic career. No way Jose. Seeya later alligator. I don't think so. I just need to relax and study what I can and not worry about what I still need to do and just do it.

TTF: Time To Focus.

I feel so lame. It's a Saturday night and I am here, on my couch, doing nothing. I went out last night but only made it until 12 when I took a taxi from 4th street to Bearno's and went home with Maleah. I guess you would call this getting old except I'm not old. At all. I don't even know how to drink anymore. I just get fucked up fast and then can't last. I kinda used to love to go out and get wasted and have fun. Not even that, but I usually could at least attempt to make myself somewhat the life of the party, instead of being the lame-O that goes home at 12 because he is not even that drunk but convinces himself he is out-of-control fucked up, has not even drank that much at all, yet still feels like he is going to vomit all over the dance floor. Honestly, I don't know what I am bitching about because I mean have always preferred staying at home, but at least would try to make it out to hang with my friends for a little bit, I guess which is what I did last night. But I just felt lame last night, being out, trying to have fun but feeling sick even though I didn't even drink a lot, and just wanting to go home. Here lately I feel like I am always trying to find out to see if anyone is doing anything, every time sounding interested, knowing that I more than likely will not be joining them. It's like I don't want to miss out when there is nothing really there to miss.

I text Jameson today to ask him if he wanted to go eat some Toast. He called me back to tell me that he had gone home for the weekend. We proceeded to talk about school, of course, and you know what that fucker told me? (Don't get me wrong, Jameson is one of my best friends in medical school and I love him a lot, but he is also number one in our class and has always expected me to do well, which I usually do.) He told me that I was "losing my fierceness." I was appalled. I didn't have anything to say. He told me that I still "look fierce" but am losing my fierceness in terms of my academic performance. I totally agree. What I like about Jameson is that he really just doesn't sugarcoat it. He tells you what you need to hear to actually make you better rather than just to make you feel better, like everyone else. I am losing my fierceness. I admit it.

Abercrombie & Audree.

Remember the Cardinals
by
F.Domingo

Nigga Got Jinxed.

Well I passed Micro. Whew. But I think I should have and could have done so much better in Path and Genetics. What the fuck am I doing? I actually put in time this time. I need to figure it out soon. I know what to do.

Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.

I found the dental student. His name is Jacob. He is sitting on the other side of the library. I still think he is pretty cute. I was just staring at him again of course so I could see what his name tag said and then we made eye contact and he like mouthed or whispered "hey whats up" and all I could say was "Jacob" as I read his name tag. This happened like 2 minutes ago.

Moment of Truth.

I feel tremendously prepared for my upcoming test which is why I decided to take a couple of minutes from studying this morning to say it. I have been hesistant to write about the test in fear of jinxing myself, which I hopefully didn't just do. But I have spent every day since the day of the first real lecture week to study some thing. Not a day has passed where I haven't reviewed or learned or gone over some aspect of pathology or microbiology or genetics. Although, I will admit that this Saturday, Halloween, I was extremely unproductive. I didn't go out but I sure did waste the day away. I even cried. That put behind me, yesterday was fantastic and I hope to continue that into this week in preparation for my second block exam of my second year of medical school. I was annihilated last block and since then my scars have healed and I will be ready for war by the end of the week.