Frankie Says Relax.

I think I figured it out. I just need to relax. For some reason this semester, every time I read or study I cannot focus on what I am reading and my mind wanders off in a million and three directions, then I lose my place, get frustrated, and just want to quit. That is stupid. I have been endlessly contemplating what it is that has been making me so under par. I have even suggested ADD to my mom who thinks that is stupid because it would have already affected me. Seeing that I have excelled in every aspect of school, forever, until this semester, it seems very unlikely that I could develop some sporadic case of ADD. And even if I really did have ADD, I would have already subconsciously mastered a way to overcome it by now. Then today I wanted to convince myself I had a brain tumor that was making me lose my short-term memory thus preventing me from developing my long-term memory. All stupid things that I felt I needed as an excuse for my poor performance thus far. I have never been one for excuses, as I believe they are merely cop-outs for lazies, and I refuse to use one now. I am Nico Domingo, must I continue to remind myself?

As I was studying today I was trying to remember my mindset last year as I would study so that I could figure out what I am doing differently this year. I am pretty sure I figured it out. Last year I would just read it and enjoy it, well not necessarily enjoy but just go with it and let myself soak it up. This year I have been so wrapped up in having to study, having so much that I need to study, finding time to study, deciding what to study, deciding when to study it, and all this other bull shit while I am studying, rather then just letting it all go and just study. I can't believe I didn't think of this earlier. I have wasted so much time thinking about studying rather than just actually studying. And all this thinking about studying occurs while I am attempting to study, then making my studying a poor use of time and mind effort. I wasted so much time thinking about what I still had left to study or still needed to go through rather then focusing on what I was studying right at that moment. Fine I have a ton to study, but that ton will soon become two tons if I don't freakin' get on the ball and finish studying whatever it is I am studying. If I had just spent the time thinking about what it was I was actually studying rather than thinking about needing to study probably would have made my studying more effective, and thus I could have possibly done better on the Block exams. To reiterate, this is not an excuse. It can be considered more as a revelation. Nevertheless, my sudden change in mindset this year has got to be it. I have got to change that shit back and really make an effort to quit worrying about having to learn such a vast amount of information and just freakin' learn it. Easy as that. Because I am really smart. Like Nico, come on. I am more than just an average student and I am not going to let two bad Blocks dictate my mindset for the rest of my academic career. No way Jose. Seeya later alligator. I don't think so. I just need to relax and study what I can and not worry about what I still need to do and just do it.