Step By Step, Day By Day.

So I decided that the reason that I didn't do as well as I had expected on the exam to be that I did not put forth the effort needed to excel. I basically got too overconfident based on my results from last year and did not study as much nor as hard. Reading shit over and over is not enough. I need to really focus and learn as I read and not count on reading it again to learn the shit. So that's what I am going to do. I have consulted with various people in my class whom I believe are at the top of their game, particularly the number one ranked student, Jameson, who I have been previously in love with, but now we are just terribly good amigos. So Jameson told me that for pathology he takes notes on Robbins and reads Goljan then goes through the notes and last does questions. I had been doing all this until towards the end when I convinced myself that reading the powerpoints would be sufficient to do well. I was wrong. That will only get you to barely pass, as I did, but I am not going for just passing. I am well capable of above passing. In microbiology, Jameson basically advised to keep on going through the notes. Although this is what I did, I half-assed it. I merely read the notes, and if I did not understand something I depended on the fact that I was going to read it again anyway so I could just learn it then. When you have forty lectures for one class, on one test, it is nearly impossible to "just read" it over and over enough so that you know it. You may get like 3 or 4 times through if your lucky. That may be enough but only if you are getting it on the first read, which I wasn't. However, I am going to veer away from something that Jameson does in that I am going to not go to lecture. It is a waste of time and our professors do not know how to teach. Others may think differently but I don't. I can go through the lectures faster and more efficiently by listening to Tegrity. Most of the time in lecture I lose track of what is going on and by the time I try to figure it out I have ended up just missing more of the lecture. If not that, then I just fall asleep, and the whole lecture was just a waste of my time. So ya know what the fuck ever. On Tegrity I can pause and rewind and speed up, allowing me to really understand what the lecturer is talking about, thus preventing me wasting an entire day just sitting in lecture. Amazing time-saver. I can get a good basis on what I need to know and have more time to study it. I have talked to others who have confirmed the greatness of Tegrity School. And I did it for the last two blocks of the previous semester and did remarkably better than when I had gone to lecture. I just thought new year, might as well listen to what this years professors are bringing to the table which is evidently not enough. Nevertheless, I am going to have to majorly step up my game on this block. I refuse to be one of those who merely pass, let alone not pass. I am better than that and I know I can do it. So now all I need to do is do it.

Twink Sauce.

I need a boyfriend. Well I don't really need anything but I want a boyfriend. Actually I don't know if I really want one either. I mean I definitely want someone to sleep with, not necessarily like fuck, but like that will just come over and spend the night. I sleep so much better with someone in the bed with me. I am a cuddler and I enjoy other cuddlers. This may sound extremely gay or cliche, which I don't doubt that it does, but there is just nothing like falling asleep in someones arms or with your arms around someone. The warmth and the pressure just does work for me. I mean, and I absolutely love giving hugs. Every time I meet someone I feel compelled to give them a hug. And if they seem open-minded then usually I just go for it. Hugs are so much more personable. You really have to open yourself up for a hug. I feel like you lose your inhibitions and puts you in such a vulnerable state. You can tell how comfortable a person is with themselves and with others just from their hug. So I hug all my friends. Even the super straight ones. No one gets by without a hug.

This is me and Griffin. He is the only gay person I truly do not get annoyed by. I mean there are a few others that I can stand and do love, but Griffin no matter what doesn't get on my nerves. Most are just a disgrace to the kind. That may be mean to say, but it's true. I don't get them. Them like they are different from me. Well, yes, they are different. I've never really considered myself as gay, I would just rather be with a boy. I may have a few mannerisms that are a little on the feminine side. But that just comes from being raised by a group of women and without a father. Actually, it has nothing to do with my dad, that is just how I act. I tend to be a little over dramatic. I am just like my mother. Anyways, I feel more like myself around straight people than I do gay people, except for Griffin. I guess it's because we have known each other for so long or what. I love him and he loves me but we are not lovers. I feel like everyone sweats Griffin though. Like all these gays just adore him. He is adorable. But most gays are lame. I mean it's just whatev. Griffin comes home to me.

Harley's House of Brews.

Audree in Wonderland
by
F.Domingo

Jungle Fever.

Twelve Steps

by

F.Domingo

How Could You Say That To Me.

Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves
by
F.Domingo

Bonjour.

One Night in Paris
by
F.Domingo

It Was All Just a Blur.

This is what I wore. I will never wear it again. Actually, that is so gay to say. So I'm just going to do whatever the hell I want. Like I always have and will continue to do. That wasn't me taking that test yesterday. I am not really sure where I went but it was a stupid idea to go. I'll be there next time and every time after that. So I fuckin' got a bad grade. So what? It was one test. It is in the past. Time to move on.

Hiroshima.

I got bombed by the test. For the first time in my life I know what it feels like to be defeated. I have had many other occurrences in which I may have felt a little inadequate but not like this. This, this is med school. I mean come on. My days of fucking up have long been over. Was it a fluke? Yea, it was a fluke. This will never happen again. I always say things whenever bad things happen. To make a change, to make it different next time. I won't say anything now. I have got to see where I'm going. My life has been a steady straight path and after yesterday all my tires went flat. But the day after tomorrow is a new day. I still got it. I just have to focus. I have to refocus. I have regain my motivation. I have to relearn how to learn 'cause evidently the way I thought was the way to do it, isn't. I feel fucked. I am not going to get it let me down. My mom told me that you can't be perfect every time. I asked her why not? I guess everyone needs to fail once in their life. To feel the lowest of the low in order to build yourself back up or whatever stupid shit like that people like to say. I just never thought that it would actually happen to me. I don't fail. I am Nico freakin' Domingo. Like what the fuck.

Motivation.

I am the smartest kid in the class.

I am the smartest kid in the class.

I am the smartest kid in the class.

No seriously.

I am the smartest kid in the class.

Go Big Blue.

So I ended up going to the game despite wanting to study. I thought I couldn't do it but I did, so Go Me. Other than that, it was so much fun to see everyone even though I didn't go out. But, the Cats won, and I love the Cats. And I love Louisville Medicine. The little boy is Mason. The pictures are from Maleah.

9 Days Later.

I am so pissed I didn't post anything on my birthday. 09/09/09. Such a cool date, huh? Must've been a good one. Yea right. I had to study. Work hard, play later, as they say. Actually, I mean my birthday was on a Wednesday. I could have celebrated the weekend before or the weekend after. I was supposed to go to Knoxville with Jessica to see Allie, but instead I stayed home to study. I honestly did not want to do anything for it. It was nice having lunch with my family but that was it. I had other shit to do. I don't have time to party anymore. Not when I need to study. For example, this Saturday is the UK vs. UofL game. Weeks ago, I had made plans to go to it. It is going to be in Lexington and all my cheer friends are going to be there. It's going to be a grand ole time. But I decided yesterday that I needed to study more than I need to party. So I am going to stay here and study. Back to my birthday. It has always made me feel anxious. I usually cry, although this year and last year I didn't. It stresses me out. It's as if I don't want to celebrate if not everyone can be there. Or like I don't wanna risk the chance to plan something, then no one come. I mean, honestly, that wouldn't happen. But you never know. I know I am very special (something ingrained in my head by my wonderfully loving mother) but I secretly hate feeling special. I love it but I hate it. Even when people compliment me it makes me nervous. I don't think nervous is the word. It might be embarrassed. I feel embarrassed. I enjoy compliments but when people compliment me I feel like I must have done something to provoke it out of them especially when they compliment on the shit I have, like I am showing off or something. So I almost feel bad, ashamed that I drive a Benz or that my scarf is Burberry. But seriously, even when people tell me how much they like my car. I hate having to tell people I drive a Benz. It was bad when I drove an S-class but now its worse that I drive a brand new one. I feel like in their heads, they all all thinking, "Must be nice.." or some stupid shit like that. Well yea, it is nice. And I sorry it turned out that way. I just don't want people to think that I think I am better than them just because my mom agrees to buy me nice things. I am surely over-analyzing the whole compliment thing, as I do with most everything. People don't think anything. It's all in my head. Ah! Needless to say, I didn't end up doing anything to celebrate my birthday this year. Studying just seems more important to me. I can celebrate when I'm a doctor. I need to loosen up. Well.. happy fuckin' birthday.

I Have A Toothache.

At school we have to park at this new parking garage which is forever away from school and like two blocks from my house. Needless to say, I definitely drive the two blocks and walk the forever away. On my walk to the medical school I was following a group of dental students who stopped near the James Brown Cancer Center to stop and talk to a fellow dental student. This dental student however wasn't in scrubs, which is the daily dental student attire. Until this point, I have assumed he was a dental student. He was talking to the dental students. I had never seen him before. He.. They were talking about shit I had never heard about (presumably dental shit). So he had to be a dental student. Except he had on regular clothes and white coat which just screams medical student. But anyway, he was dental and besides that, I thought he was pretty good looking. Tall, kind of fair-skinned maybe he was a little tan (he had clothes on), dark hair, athletic/thick build, not a twink. All my favorites. I should have checked for the blue eyes. Any color would have definitely worked but I just love blue. Well I walked past them and my day went on.

After class, I decided to take the shuttle to the parking garage. It was taking way too long so I got off where Muhammad Ali crosses Jackson and walked the rest of the way to the parking garage. I wanted to scream the whole ride because I was the only passenger and the driver was going anywhere and everywhere but where I needed to go and taking forever to get there. So I got out. Good thing I did because just as I was coming up to the front of the garage I stopped to ask the security guard something when a black, or maybe navy, station wagon Benz was pulling out of the garage. I was checkin' out the car, and as I looked to check out the driver, low and behold it was the dental student. We both got caught a little off guard. Or maybe I am just imagining it like that. We definitely made eye contact and he definitely smiled at me and I feel like he was about to wave but I was just staring I feel like, so he stopped himself. Whatever the case, I need to find this fucker and meet him.

No Makeup, No Problem.

The prettiest girls are the ones who look just as gorgeous without any makeup as they do with it.

Puss and Boots.

Confessions of a Smoke-aholic
by
F.Domingo

I Wanna Be a Rock Superstar.

Little Boy Blue.

I am absolutely a sucker for blue eyes. Today I did a preceptorship at The Healing Place, which is a homeless shelter/recovery program for alcoholics and addicts. The second hour of the preceptorship we had to sit in a community meeting in which all the clients sit in a circle and discuss issues. We were instructed to sit in between two of the clients, one on each side, so that they may assist us in answering any questions we have during the meeting. I sat next to Paul, a black male, and Eric, a white male with blue eyes. As one could probably guess, I spent more time talking to Eric. It wasn't that I was particularly attracted to him, but I just could not get over the blue of his eyes. They weren't a brilliant sapphire blue that most people may admire, but a soft cornflower blue. Previously addicted to pain medication, he had been in the program since March 6 and was hoping to get out in two or three months. He has two boys, age 2 and 4. He is 27 years old. The look in his eyes could only be described as honest. I kept asking him questions just so he could look at me.